It’s harder these days to enforce the White Australia Policy in this modern and liberal era. So the Chinese eventually won and ended up hanging around even after all the gold dried up in the 1870’s, don’t let that get you down man. So those bastard politicians eventually became lax and abolished the policy in the 1970’s, at least it was going for a hundred years! At least for one hundred years we had an “Australia for us Australians”. Like fuck you did. You’ve hardly even put up a fight. That’s why Jugen (with the backing of commercial television) has championed the release of a new game to help re-invigorate all your racist tendencies - Grand Theft Auto: Cronulla Beach.
Kids can play it, adults can, even veterans can try their hand at slashing with a beer bottle or stabbing with a syringe, it’s not so different to ‘Nam anyway.
Here’s a scene from the game:
Why...oh...why...is that guy thinking about the BCF advert at a time like that. It deserves a thumbs up anyway.
This version of Grand Theft Auto is sure to help you re-discover what it means to be Australian.
Why the fat guy on Lost never gets thinner, even though there is obviously not a McDonald’s anywhere. What a fucking stupid show, there probably is a McDonalds there and you’ll find that out one week and be hanging on tenter hooks for another in anticipation to see if there’s a secret KFC resting on a mountain peak like a Chinese monastery.
By the way, the fat guy on Lost used to live in the flat under me. There were actually two of them, they were gargantuan twins. They disappeared in the weeks following up to that Lost shit being filmed. So I assume it’s them. They used to order these catering sized boxes of KFC chicken and eat the whole thing in one sitting and then through the bones and box out onto the lawn so I can look down and see it rotting in the rain. Thanks fats.
Saucemaster has a hatred of commercial television stations and the pop-fag fantasy they try to force on to us that is to be “Australian”. It is merely an image that they enjoy posing in behind news desks and with the good intentions that only a neck-less suit wearing ex-footballer turned news reporter (having been acquitted of two counts rape) can bring. What does it mean to be aussie Sauce asks? Fuck all. It means you have an emu and kangaroo on your passport, but that’s about it. What does being Australian mean to people from other countries? That’s a hard call. Maybe the latest adverts on mainstream television can give a clue to this. Saucemaster decided to create his own spin on the adverts and also inject his own political satire. Balance is required everywhere after all.
A) First comes Jugen, she is tribute collector for all major commercial television networks in Australia. She wears her heart on her sleeve and is not afraid to blatantly show her political loyalties. Jugen realises that she needs money from tourism to keep her organisations alive, so she offers up the ‘where the bloody hell are you?’ catchphrase along with a smile at airport lounges and coach terminals. With hands out like a beggar and a cruel but friendly face, she’s pulling them in with one hand but also slapping them on the back with the other. She doesn’t really want to share this “wonderful” land with foreigners but yet she needs their cash. What the fuck is she to do?
Next come two “wonderful” images capturing all aspects of aussie-ness and mateship which are denoted by the saucemaster.info’s own “thumbs up” award. Saucematser himself thinks these are the perfect images to be broadcasted around the world to convey just what a great place Australia is.
B) This guy in the center is called Dazza, he looks heroic and almost biblical in stature and presence, he’s a great guy and quite possibly the nicest person you’ll meet in Australia.
C) Is that guy cowering and wondering why he came? Or is he too busy holding his intestines in after they’d been sliced out by a smashed VB bottle. Whatever! - the silly twat should have spoken to Jugen before coming, his name was Habib.
