Saucemaster

I ruin earphones for my iPod regularly. And its always the same: a wire starts to break inside the cable shielding, usually near the plug, causing one of the buds to intermittently cut out. It started happening again last week, with the Panasonic RP-HV152 earphones I’ve been using for the last several months. These are some of the cheapest earphones (about AU$10) you can buy, and they were ok for a temporary stop gap, especially as I already had them just laying around. But they are dead to me now, and I need to quickly find some new earphones before I have to actually talk to any of the microtards I work with.

Previous to the Panasonic’s, I had gone through three different pairs of Sennheiser MX 350 earphones. These were pretty good earphones, not harsh and reasonably detailed, with light but nice round bass, costing around AU$40 a pair. I probably would’ve bought another pair of these if I had been able to find them for sale, but alas it seems Sennheiser has moved on (to some real weird-ass designs: witness the fucked up preying mantis MX 90 VC.)

There’s the MX 51, can’t remember how much they cost, and at least they are black, but they are ruined by a goddamn awful chrome finish on the exposed part of the earbud. I hate that fake chrome look slapped onto every fucking product in an effort to add “design” to the feature list. I could’ve bought the MX 50 earphones, for about AU$50. They are made out of spandex or rubber or something, and they are a weird pearly white colour. And guess what? I don’t want white buds either, for obvious “wherever you are, I’m not” reasons. So its goodbye to the German earphones, and its probably for the best given that they keep fucking breaking on me.

I already have a (cold spare) pair of Sony MDRE818LP earphones, and I had to switch to using these when the Panasonic’s began to lose the fight. These earphones could be 5 or more years old, and they still work! But OMFGKMN, there’s chrome on them…I guess I bought them before the chrometards killed chrome dead for me. Thanks to the chrome, these phones look like crap. At least they are mostly black, and they work reliably. But they sound boring, no bass, not much detail *yawns*. Fine for a backup pair, but thank Christ my brand new earphones were delivered this morning as I was reversing out of the driveway.

I’m jumping ahead, but before I continue I should outline my criteria, in order of importance, for new iPod headphones:

1. Must be earphones/buds. I don’t like in-ear (I know in-ear’s sound better to some, but fear of deep penetrating ear canal rape is only tangentially homophobic) or clip-on phones (target market: Star Trek nerds), and bulky cans are totally missing the point of portable music.
2. Must be black, and only black. No other colours. No silver. No white. Definitely no chrome. My heart is black, and so shall be my earphones.
3. Must be affordable because I know they are going to fucking break. AU$50 is ok. AU$200 is not.
4. No decoration. Maybe a stenciled logo and L/R, if its subtle. Keep the ornamentation for silver-smithing.

So then. My lunch hour spent wandering the city looking for a suitable pair of replacement earphones was a dead loss day after day. Nothing, nada, zilch, not a zune. Oh yea, I did find a multitude of sinners, chrome everywhere I turned, white, silver, fake wood veneer, black fucked/decorated with extreme prejudice, in-ear, clip-ons, prices approaching AU$100.

Am I too fussy? Does not my platonic ideal exist within this manboob-riddled reality? Rebate Star Trek nerds, for I will not succumb to your star-sick gaze and off-key siren song. I will continue my search anew! But not in the physical realm. Instead, I turn to Google, its empty form input field and single blinking eye, a world that only exists in the mind, with no physical manifestation barring the electro-magnetic disturbances.

Searching here and there, I catch only whispers off the twisted-pair.

Responses to some tard asking for suggestions for better than stock iPod earphones. The usual suspects. Ugh. My stamina wanes, but then through the Dell heat haze I glimpse it: Yuin. I feel the chill, like a thousand BTU air-conditioner; I have a bright new hope, and a bright new lead to track.

Another nosebleed, and the Yuin buds are information poor, mostly recommendations. Unsatisfaction. Luckily there’s just enough information out there to determine that the Yuin PK3’s meet my criteria: earphones, black, subtle white stenciling, and AU$39.

I may have lost religion at an early age, but I still want to believe. I order a pair of Yuin PK3’s from Headphonic in Perth for AU$39 including postage. No credit cards, no paypal, bank deposit only, suckness, but not enough to disfavour this bright hope.

On the morn of the sixth day, that being today: deliverance. A wooden box wrapped in white cardboard with a pseudo-gothic font reminiscent of a tramp stamp, calligraphic clouds and chinese yew. A web tantalus printed on the box does not answer my HTTP GET.

The PK3’s are housed in a black plastic cylinder. There are optional foam covers for the buds, and I opt out. The 3.5 mm plug is gold-tipped and straight (rather than right-angled). There is a gold-plated 3.5 mm to 1/4 inch adapter included. The cord is thicker than the other earphones I’ve tried, and is J-shaped (asymmetric) rather than Y-shaped (like the stock pack-ins with the iPod). I prefer J-shaped cords, so this is a nice surprise. If anything, at 1.2 m the cord is slightly too short for my liking, and this could impact the PK3’s longevity. We shall see. The styling is very appealing, suitably minimal, all black, the buds are small with the speaker face a gloss black, while the rest is a matt black. The arm of the bud is pinched in slightly. There are two horizontal slits on the back of the bud, and a bass port running up the arm. They seem solidly constructed, and are approaching my platonic ideal event horizon.

First listen is slightly disappointing; plenty of detail, but some harshness and not much bass. An hour of breaking them in and they lose all the harshness, the bass becomes nimble and warm. The PK3’s are simply great value for money. A marked improvement over stock buds or your Sony’s and Sennheiser’s in the same price bracket. Maybe there is a God after all…more importantly though is the question of the PK3’s endurance: just how long can they stand to be in a sado-masochistic relationship with me? If they do suicide I already know I’ll be stretching for the AU$99 PK2’s next.

A selection of reactions upon listening:

“Moonshiner” by Uncle Tupelo

Gave me the sadness upon hearing the harmonica. My black heart just broke.

“Nude” by Radiohead

I used to think the production on “In Rainbows” was extraordinarily flat, but now this sounds like silk draped over my head. Prettiness.

“It’s Kinda Funny” by Josef K

Scottish early 80’s jangly guitars are even janglier.

“Pig” by Sparklehorse

A very loud song, and when the bass kicks in, woah boy.

“The Funeral” by Band of Horses

The reverb tail on the vocal just hangs in the air like a slowly dying butterfly.